gwen (gwenix) wrote,

OMG, this story is just so funny all around, I don't even know where to start!

Arsonists Hit SUV Dealerships

Ok, maybe I'll just go through the whole thing:

LOS ANGELES, Aug. 22 -- Several apparent arson fires ripped through a car dealership, damaging or destroying dozens of Hummers and other SUVs, and dozens of other vehicles were vandalized with anti-pollution graffiti in three separate attacks in nearby cities overnight.

Yes, I drive an SUV. It's falling apart, going into the shop on Monday, and has a host of other issues, but I do like my SUV. But I like SUVs that actually, you know, go off road. My SUV can do that when it's not falling apart, and has done so.

So, given that disclaimer....


Like, Hummers on fire! That should be a punk song or something!

God, that image just cracks me up.

The Web site for the militant environmental group Earth Liberation Front called the attacks "ELF actions" but added that the organization had not heard from the perpetrators. The group claims to be responsible for more than $100 million in damage against people who profit through damaging the environment.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! "ELF actions"! HAHAHHAHAHAHA! Because, you know, setting things on fire is really all for the Earth and environmentalism! BURN IT ALL DOWN!

Investigators from the FBI and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms were called to assist in the probe.

"We are looking at this as a possible act of domestic terrorism," FBI spokeswoman Cheryl Mimura said.

I think I just peed myself.

</i>Firefighters arriving at Clippinger Chevrolet in West Covina, a suburb east of Los Angeles, shortly before 5 a.m. found multiple fires burning around several Hummers and throughout a warehouse as thick, black smoke and chemicals filled the air. About 20 vehicles were destroyed, and another 20 were badly damaged. The warehouse was destroyed.

Several of the vehicles had been spray-painted with profanity and sayings such as "Fat, Lazy Americans," "Greedy Little Pig," and "I H pollution" and others' windows had been broken. The initials ELF appeared on several of the vehicles.</i>

FAT LAZY AMERICANS! WOOOOOO! hahahhahahahhahahhahahhahhahahaha!

"The initial indication is that it is indeed arson and there is vandalism involved," said Donald R. Kincaid, special agent in charge of ATF's Los Angeles field office.

Ya think??

SUVs and trucks at three separate dealerships in neighboring Monrovia, Arcadia and Duarte were also vandalized with anti-pollution graffiti, but no fires were set at those locations.

ELF activists are suspected in a $50 million Aug. 1 arson that destroyed a five-story condo under construction in northern San Diego. No one was injured in the blaze.

Near the scene of that fire, firefighters found a 12-foot-long hand-lettered banner that read: "IF YOU BUILD IT -- WE WILL BURN IT -- THE E.L.F.'s ARE MAD."


The group has taken responsibility for burning SUVs at dealerships in Erie, Pa., and in Santa Cruz, Calif.

According to a February 2002 FBI report, ELF and fellow ecoterrorists of the Animal Liberation Front have been responsible for 600 criminal acts since 1996, resulting in $43 million in damage. The ELF claimed responsibility for the October 1998 destruction of a Vail, Colo., ski facility and the arson at the U.S. Forest Industries office in Medford, Ore., resulting in $500,000 in damage. Other arsons in Oregon, New York, Washington, Michigan and Indiana have been claimed by the ELF.

Stuart Fischoff, a professor of media psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, said such destructive acts may inspire sympathizers to commit their own acts of sabotage.

Because you know that environmentalism and BURNING EVERYTHING DOWN go hand in hand! Next thing you know, all of us environmentalists will just be burning it all. The earth will be better off for it. Who needs trees anyway?

"When they do go out and commit acts of destruction like this, they do get a lot of funding. A lot of people who are sympathetic send them money, and they see an upsurge in membership," Fischoff said. "If nothing else, it's a very good recruitment tool."

What? Burning things gets me money? Where do I sign up???

General Motors, which manufactures Hummers, condemned today's attacks.

"We are thankful that nobody was hurt. This was a reprehensible criminal act and is under investigation by federal authorities," GM spokesman Brian Aker said. "If this was some kind of misguided attempt to make a political statement, those responsible should know that committing arson and putting property and people in danger is not the way to gain public support for their position."

Public support? Oh dammit, I thought it was all some sort of thirteenth level ritual of the elves to BURN IT ALL DOWN! I guess I should go back to the books and find the real one now.

I am laughing so hard, tears are actually streaming from my eyes. I know slog will be in a similar position after reading this one.

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