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gwen
gwenix
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April 2011
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gwen [userpic]
When death stops affecting you...

I found out last night that one of my class buddies died.

He died almost two years ago, actually. The circumstances seem muddled, he was playing hockey, got hit by a puck in the chest, then collapsed later in his home. No one officially is telling if they were related or not.

Regardless, he was 25, a damn smart kid, and a really nice guy. He was one of the three of us who bonded together and worked through our classwork together in my last round at school. For three years there, most of my social life was hanging out in some computer lab on campus with him and our other class buddy and working on homework for hours at a time.

And yet, I'm not even a little sad finding out. Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy... just ... numb. I haven't seen this guy since we graduated (though I have wondered how he was doing, especially when passing his work place back when I did that frequently), so it's like there's nothing to miss. I'm sorry that he won't be continuing his very promising life and career, I am sad for the loss of a very brilliant computer scientist in the field. But, for him? I'm just... numb.

I really hope that this is just shock, and that this will hit me soon enough. I'd really hate to think that I've experienced so much death that it no longer affects me.

Comments

I'm really more thinking about how I usually react. There's a twinge, and then sadness. I'm just not doing that.

(Anonymous)

I've had this before, seeing death of loved ones HAS effected me, I think it may just be a natural mechanism. If we had the same amount of grief for everyone one died, we'd all be spending every waking moment in mourning. Someone is being born, someone else is dieing every second.

That said, I remember a spell in my early childhood where I told my folks I just could not do any more funerals. All of our family and friend's tradition were open casket catholic body funerals. It just got to be too much for me.

Oops, that was me, I had logged out.