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April 2011
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gwen [userpic]
random thought for the day

So, I need to rewrite the movie Hackers sometime with the following concepts:

1) only one guy would be on rollerblades (phantom phreak). and he'd never take them off. yes, he would get in trouble in school for it.. constantly.

2) at least half of the group would obviously be unfamiliar with the concept of hygiene. especially the lead (Zero Cool) and the girl (Acid Burn).

3) Zero Cool would, yes, have written a worm back ten years ago that brought down several systems. at this point he can't do much since he's not been allowed online in that time (yah, he's great at hacking vms.. who uses that anymore?), and besides that worm he wrote was kinda a fluke. he really meant to write a cute program to get back at his art teacher for flunking his cthulhu squid sculpture project (oh yah, you want a da vinci???) and it got way out of hand. but he figured that in the new school, no one knows his incompetance, so he just keeps quiet and people assume he's great. when asked to help with the real world problem later in the movie, he refuses of course, because he can't help. duh.

corollary: that video tape fighting scene is just right out. they're just kids, they're not actually good enough for that (and really, is that truly possible anyway). though, the TV station they're hacking into is a low budget christian station and they manage to splice clips together in their fighting so that jerry falwell looks satanic.

4) the main bad guy (The Plague) is not a hipster on a skateboard. he's a nerd from the 80's (clearly worshipped revenge of the nerds back then) complete with pocket protector, pin-stripe short sleeve collared t-shirt, pants that are too big, and the ability with computers that dates to the same time period, "But.. DOS is so keen!" he's not got a girlfriend, he just is trying to get back at his company for perceived abuses on their part... you see, he thinks he's paid too little, but hasn't been able to find any other company to hire him.

corollary: the system they hack into is Novell NetWare.

5) the girl is obviously a better hacker than all of them. except that they refuse to talk to her or deal with her because she's a girl. it's not that they think she's worse or better, it's that they're afraid of her. she also doesn't have the cool boyfriend, she actually lusts after zero cool (because, y'know, he's so cool) until they have this touching moment where she figures out he's actually totally lame at hacking. then she ditches him and starts lusting after Cereal Killer.

6) the only reason everyone puts up with the dork is because he's Phantom Phreak's boyfriend. they keep trying to talk to PP about his questionable boyfriend, but he just won't listen. see, in this version, the dork is actually really hot, hence PP's blind lust. "Dude, when you going to ditch that dork already?" "Aw, he's not so bad, he's just not had a chance. Besides, did you get a good look at his butt?"

7) Cereal Killer is, clearly, the only cool guy in this movie. in the end he just kills them all out of frustration with their combined cluelessness.

Any other thoughts? I'm going for the "only slightly parodies real life" sort of comedy here.

Current Mood: quixoticquixotic
Current Music: (Are You) The One That I've Be-Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds-The Best of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

The problem with the entire premise is that you're trying to use the movie "Hackers" as a basis, and yet, since that movie was so wonderfully bad, you basically have to change the entire movie to make the idea work. I think you're better off just writing something entirely new from scratch - you're halfway there, anyway...

Of course, if you did just remake the movie, you would be able to keep the best scene in the entire movie: when the one kid wakes up, opens the curtains to his bedroom, and suddenly a soldier with an M-16 comes in through the window! Best. Scene. Ever.

Oh, don't misunderstand here. I'm not trying to rewrite it for any actual purpose (like making it "better"), just as a pointless exercise for amusement.

This came about because I was talking to someone about how in real life, Crash Zero would actually have been some guy who wrote the worm as a fluke, and has no skills in hacking anymore, but talks a good line. After that, I realized it could be fun to write up a bunch of "changes" like this to make the movie into an entirely different comedy.

Well, if it's only slightly a parody of real life, then the whole movie would be the same, but they would all miss the final hacking event because there was an important Math Team practice at Stuy. heh.

Stuy being their high school, of course. Forgot to add that. :D